I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
