Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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