Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
