We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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