five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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