dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
A bitchslap is in order.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
