If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
