Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize