It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
