Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
