How'd it feel making her break her religion?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
