quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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