I think I won the penis lottery.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
