Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
