life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
