i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
