im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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