Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
