So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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