My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
