I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
