he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
