I got chris browned last night
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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