After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
