I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
