Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
