Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
