Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
