Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
