Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
