just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
