Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize