i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
