I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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