I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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