If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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