I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize