I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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