My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
