Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
