every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
