she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
