Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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