The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
