i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
