I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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