so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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