We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
