We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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