The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
