Pants 0. Shit 1.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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