yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
