i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
