Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
