i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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