He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
