That's when you crack a 10am beer
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
