my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
