If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
