What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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