It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
