Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
