Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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