chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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