even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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