so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
