you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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