I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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