i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Barsexuality is the new black.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize