Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
