I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
