i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
