Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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